“The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem.”

As soon as I arrived at the bus station, tired and lacked sleep. I stretched my muscles and picked up my bag. There we were two of us because the rest were defeated and went back home. I was hit by the smell of seagulls shit, cool breeze and a whole different kind of atmosphere. Like I’ve been here before and this is my city. It was Porto.

A month has passed and I still believe it. The first noon we arrived, we had to stay out somewhere around 2–3 hours going places to places because we didn’t have any money. As I write I still don’t have it. last night I was homeless again. Anyway, I and my friend were there waiting for our agents to get the booking done. I was not angry or sad or tired. Felt it was something so familiar that reminds you of times you have not been here. And I have been. After coming of age, always moved from place to place. To find something to call something close to home, a kind of place to belong and be free and I was in Portugal.

Overwhelmed, under the impression and gone too far from where I was born. But it was okay and it was mine. Well, the feeling was there. Still here. Despite being broken down from time to time but I learned to get up and walk. IT has been an amazing time. Although, a long and lonely time since I RocknRoll.

Finally after moving in all directions. Our agents were able to book a place called Zero box Lounge. Right in the centre of Porto. “We were able to find a place to sleep.” That’s my inner monologue.

No food, Nothing to do. We still went out and took a stroll in the centre. I found my soul food. I saw a man playing there. Singing and playing the guitar in Portuguese. Wasn’t able to understand a bit but I was going for it. Loved it. I was not hungry anymore because I wasn’t paying any attention to it. One day passed, 2, 3, 4 and on and on. The paper works were not done yet. It was taking a long time. I use to go, from time to time to the same place I saw Galindo playing and singing. , we talked and made friends. He let me play at the centre and whenever he feels like it. He calls me to play if I am around. I’m getting my soul food. The stomach still growls. The sun still shines.

Then there was another trouble. The hotel was costly for the agents. We started going again to a hostel. and like I said, I wanted a place to sleep until I get my papers and job done. I got two reservations. From two different hostels. Now I and my friend were being apart for a day. I went to Garden in town hostel, which was far from the centre and up. My friend was close to his place. So I went there.

Check-in time is 2:30 PM I was an hour early. There was a guy at reception who gave me a tour of the Hostel. It’s a big hostel with a backyard garden. Serves the name right. I sat in the Living room area which is connected to the kitchen. Then it was my time for check-in. Got a bed on the upper bunk. and a locker cabinet to keep my bags. Did all that and some more and called my friend up and we decided to meet halfway through. I found a place to eat. Cheap but my friend doesn’t eat meat. so had to get him something. But he told me he had something to eat at the hostel because he met some Hindi speaking guy from Bangladesh. So, I went back to that place and had a nice meal. Hamburger, half fry, fries and rice.

The next day he was at the hostel where I was staying. We got him a bed. On the first day when I arrived, in the evening there were people there out of the garden and they were having a good time. I love when I see people having a good time.

The next day in the evening I befriended a young guy from brazil. He was smoking a joint. We talked and asked if I wanted to smoke it. And I was like yes, thanks. Hadn’t smoked up in a month. I took a drag then another, and then another and I was high. I passed him the joint. He smoked and passed it to me and he said, he was tired so he went to sleep. I smoked all it and I was HIGH. Took a flight, went to my bunk and slept. After a long time, I was able to sleep. Because I was not able to sleep, was always ready to go! it became a part of me. eyes are closed, the body is at rest but the ears are functioning. And in a hostel, you don’t need that.

As time passed by I made new friends. Some are still here some are travelling, some are back to their ‘normal’ life some who I want to see again and some I want to be with.

I promise myself not to consume more alcohol because I don’t drink much. But eh, I was drinking more than I usually do. Helps me to sleep and not think much. which I can usually do sober. the not thinking much part. But I also want to have some fun. So make of it what you will. It is what it is.

Some may call me drunk, some may think what the fuck. Sometimes, everything is fucked. No matter what you do, say or try to be. you can never be a hero or help everyone. Forget about changing the world. Be you first and try to help one person at a time and have good times. Worthy of remembering.

I am a functioning drunk. I like a lot of things which can get me cancelled.

I talk to everyone but not to get anything out of it. But if I want, I make it very clear. Not easily entertained.

But when I do, I stay there for a long run and not the fun times.

I met a lot of pretty ladies. in 20’s 30’s and it goes on. Most of the time I go on around and try to know whatever I can. There was this one time, I met a german girl and she was pretty with short hair and wore a tracksuit. She was sitting in the garden at the spot where I usually sit and smoke. I asked her if I could join her, she said yes and we got to know each other. she had a thing to do so she left me but promised to come back.

I went out after smoking and came back and was sitting in the living room and there she arrived. She was happy I was there and I had a smile too. She sat with me for a while and said I’ll be back after the shower. She came back we decided to go and sit outside. We talked and I made my intention clear after a while we were making out. Decided to take it further so we found a quiet place and some things happened and some didn’t. she left and I forgot her name and never saw her again. This is a rare case for me. not remembering the name of the lady whose tongue was down my throat.

I still feel bad sometimes when about her. But it is what it is. After that day, even if nothing happens, I made sure I’ll remember the name of the lady I was with.

Over the course, I met a lot of French, German, Italian, Brazilian and more and I keep on meeting more. But there’s a French girl. oh, that one girl.

I am still figuring out my paper works. some are done some are taking more time than I want. I don’t know what the future holds. I know the goal and I’m not so focused on that because I have to have some fun along the way and keep on making my way to my road. The road I made and wanted so. granted there are troubles all the way but I have faith in myself and the gods up above.

I am thankful for whatever was thrown at me and I conquered it. I was down but I got up every time. the faith in God never runs its course. I keep on he keeps giving. The only reason he takes is to give something you deserve.

Sometimes You are tested to see if you can take the blessing he wants to give. All I’ve learned in this so call small life of mine, is. Be a good person and help each other out without any intention of getting anything back.

And Portugal is a place I see myself for some time. I am not here on a tourist spree, here to make a life. and then travel. So I haven’t seen much of it but I know it. Been to one beach because a french girl wanted me to come with her. it was a good day. Drank a lot before that night and had some crazy fun. But that one French girl I met last weekend. We are getting close.

Dreams are calling, she’s calling, another girl from India is calling. I only answer to the dreams and that French girl. This is funny because the girl from India asked me out and I said yes. But there’s something which is rather compatible with my French girl. I’ll write someday about how I met her and all that jazz. Until then you only get this.

It’s funny how every time I sit to write one sentence and write this so-called blog. Ernest Hemingway way was right “All you have to do is write one truest sentence.” He also said something about trusting. He said, “The best way to find if you can trust someone is to trust them.”

Asking fr money doesn’t seem right. But they know so they do whatever they can. Haven’t started a job and have been paying money to have a roof. Changing places to places. One place. The Garden in town hostel is consistent. It’s a good place. My playlist changes from place to place. Here I listen to a playlist made for me by Spotify. A Frank Sinatra and his type of playlist.

The weather out here is dark and it’s raining. But the music and people around are good. I’m listening to Ray Charles.

I figured that if you try not to rush everything and let it happen. That is only after you have done the work as hard as you can.

The only thing I can find out, about right now is, that it goes on. I am trying to keep up with my surroundings. I am anxious sometimes. I am free sometimes. It all depends on me and how I take the things and situations I have been put through. It matters a lot. your attitude towards the problem.

Just like Captian Jack Sparrow said “The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem.”

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Musician, Writer and Video creator. Doing right by me. www.ronilphilips.com

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Ronil

Ronil

Musician, Writer and Video creator. Doing right by me. www.ronilphilips.com

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