So I was able to sleep last night. Of course, there was alcohol involved but not the amount I usually need to pass out. Well, Sex helped. But I'm getting close. close to sleep without alcohol. I found out that I need to be tired to sleep. Coffee has always been a friend but I am cutting down on it because when I'm not able to sleep at night, I need the energy to get through the day. So I drink almost 4–5 cups a day and then comes the night filled with the doubts and the memories from Ukraine and my childhood.
There are some memories I've made peace with. There are some which are gonna be there no matter what. so I try to make art out of it. Be it in music or writing or my little to no knowledge in filmmaking. But a man needs to sleep. I pray to God and thank him that he’s keeping me alive and making me realise things which would not have been in the picture. Just because of that and the breath in my lungs I thank him every day.
The kind of people he has put me in between feels like a family I never had. So thank you God for whatever you have done and keep on doing. I may have a hard time accepting things which are not understandable at that moment but it makes sense in long run. Like right now, nothing is certain. I am still finding a job. I can work on anything. I can be disciplined and headstrong because it's one life and it can end at any time. So, I always try to make it worthwhile for me and the people around me. I guess I was needed in that war to understand a few things which I deeply understand now.
I pray to God he makes everyone happy and gives them what they deserve because they might not understand now but in the long run, they will have an opportunity to know how it turned out.
But most importantly I pray for the people who are lost and have taken whatever they can do to support their families. May God show you that you are amazing and someday all of this will be worth it.
I will keep on fighting and working on my art. I can’t be sulking or talking bad about everything because I am not able to land a job. But one thing I know. One thing for sure is that God, has some plans and I trust him fully because the times I've seen and come out alive is something which is unimaginative and someday I might write about it as truthfully as I can. I mean I did write about those five days in Ukraine during the war but after reading it I think I can make something worth showing to the public. Not to say how I survived but the only reason survived was because God put that fire inside me that no cold could take that away.
Trust in yourself and trust in God. He is working on you, for you, by you.
