I think it's been a week since I haven't written worth of any information or my thoughts in order. I guess I needed some time to do that. I have been seeing this flash of my Ukrainian time and it has been hard to sleep. I was waking up in the middle of the night almost every turn I took. I have been consistent. I don’t want to have PTSD, So I try to talk about it in my conversations and writing so It doesn't keep boiling and be something that will scar me for life. Although it will be with me till I die I want to look back and see it was worth it and made me a better man than I was and always keep on striving to be great. Not to show the world but to fight my demons and make amends with them because you need some darkness when you have a lot of light in you. You have to be the lion so you can understand the lamb.
God has been putting me in hard situations just so he could bless me because I've earned it. I pray every day or at least I try to because I've learned to know and experience that you can’t do anything without the blessing of God and his love. I will not go into the religious part of it. Maybe some other time, right now I will talk about how luck is parallel to god’s love and blessing.
Last night, out of all the nights I arrived in Portugal, I slept and woke up in the morning. I could sleep before but I needed some intoxication to pass out and that is not the life I want. there is a lot to do, mountains to climb, make some of my personal best and make people feel good about themselves and have fun along the way. I have been an envious, hard to love and downright asshole in past because I was hurting and all I could do at that time was that without understanding people and their place. I apologise with all my heart. I am trying to be a better version of what I want to be. All with love and understanding.
I am still waiting for a job. I want to start working and make some money to support myself from the start. but this is what you get when you come to another country and start from scratch. sometimes I don’t show but I am shit scared. But the mind is a tricky thing so I keep it positive because compared to the time I spent just to cross the border was the time I would have died. But my will to survive and god’s blessing got me out of it so I will always be the first one to be positive and know that everything’s gonna be alright.
I don’t know what is it but I think I can make it here in Portugal and take my creative endeavours to next level. Like a serial killer, I want to be meticulous, systematic and creative in making everyone I meet happy and see their potential and have fun and make music and movies worth talking about or be just entertaining.
Soul food.
