As another day passes. I ran, walked and crawled to the place I had to be. It’s been more than a month and I don’t have anything to work on. I mean the heart has always helped me but I need to make some money to support my art and my complexity.

I still have a hard time sleeping. I still drink like I said I would never. I am not turning into my old man because she has a woman who loves her. I am alone but not lonely. Sometimes I feel lonely, sometimes I try to cry, sometimes I just stared at the ceiling and sometimes my face is buried in the pillow. sometimes I am happy and then it’s gone. It’s not like I don’t want to be happy. t’s just I don't know if I feel happiness anymore. I am trying my best to be me and give myself as much freedom as I can. I need to be disciplined as well.

The life-changing story is just another way for me to start looking at myself again.

I have no idea when I will be fulfilled. do I even want to be fulfilled? If I ever am, how can it be any different from now? I need to love myself. I do. Sometimes, way too much that I look to the future and save myself from any kind of heartbreak.

I want to write about a lot of things, When I write I think about her. I try not to bring her in it but I should know better, she’s always there.